The Answer Should Be Obvious

By Persistent

I've been reading Mark & Grace Driscoll's book Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, & Life Together.  I've only read Part 1 Marriage so far and I'm struggling with it already.  It's a good book--I'm not saying that.  I guess where I'm struggling is with the conviction it brings.  My flesh just wants to throw the book out and forget I've even started it.  And then this morning I read "Imperfect's" post about Jesus' question, "Do you want to get well?"  Grrrr! 

My first conviction comes from the type of wife I am.  The scriptures about a quarrelsome wife...

Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop,
     Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. -Proverbs 21:9

A continual dripping on a very rainy day
     And a contentious woman are alike.  -Proverbs 27:15

That can be me.  Sometimes it's a wonder my husband is still living inside.  Ever had those days when you can't even stand to listen to yourself?  And you hear the Holy Spirit giving warnings?  But your fleshly side seems just too powerful and it actually feels good to give in to it?

Do I want to get well?

My second conviction comes from specifics in how I am "contentious".  I fail to follow Paul's admonition,

Let the wife see that she respects her husband. -Ephesians 5:33

I respect him in his profession, I respect him as a father but I often don't respect him as a husband and submit to his authority.  By submitting I mean deferring to his leadership of our family.  When I disagree with one of his decisions I often argue my side until he defers to me.

Do I want to get well?

My third conviction is in regards to  Taking Out the Trash, as Chapter 5 is entitled.  The Driscolls reference Dr. John Gottman who has studied many married couples over the years and has concluded there are 4 things that are sure to result in marital death if not taken care of.  They include criticism--more than a complaint, it is "attacking one's character"; contempt-"showing disgust for your spouse"; defensiveness- "the guilty person refuses to apologize or back down"; and stonewalling- failure to work towards oneness or ignoring the other person and/or problem.  I've been guilty of all 4 at one time or another and the big problem comes down to repentance.  They state that repentance includes confession, contrition and change.  Contrition is feeling the sorrow over your sin that God does.  When I think about it, I know I've sinned and I feel bad for hurting my spouse but do I really feel the sorrow over my sin that God does?  I am coming to the conclusion that, if I'm honest with myself and God, I don't really believe my sin is all that bad. 

Do I want to get well?

And finally, the biggest conviction is my pride.  I know I'm guilty of all of the above and I am even praying that God gives me the sorrow over my sin that he feels so that I can change.  But when it comes to confessing all of this to the one person I should be confessing it too--my husband, I haven't found it in me to do yet.  (Would it count if I just left this post up on the computer and let him happen to come across it?)  My pride won't let me humble myself before him.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  James 5:16

Do I want to get well?

Why is that such a hard question when the answer should be obvious?  Maybe because it requires something of me?  Maybe because I'm comfortable where I'm at?  Maybe because I would have to die to myself? Lord, help me!

Help me to answer with a Yes!  Not just grudgingly because it's what I should do as a Christian but resoundingly, Yes!  Yes, I want to get well!  Yes, I want to have a healthy marriage!  Yes, I want to be a model that I would be proud for my children to imitate!  Yes, Yes, a thousand times, Yes!

"Do you want to get well?"

Post by: Imperfect

I have been reading in John 5:1-18. This is the story of Jesus healing the invalid man at the pool of Bethesda. What I normally do when I read a passage of scripture is read it over and over and over and over and over and OVER again. I do this because I am OCD…just kidding…I do this so I can be completely immersed in a passage and it helps me get a “feel” for what is going on.

Anyway, I was struck with the question Jesus asks the invalid in verse 6…”Do you want to get well?” (NIV). Does this question seem a little off to anyone else??? See in my brain I’m like, why even ask the question…seems kind of stupid (don’t say stupid, it’s not a nice word!)…of course he wants to get well he has been an invalid for THIRTY-EIGHT years!! But then I remind myself that this is Jesus and when Jesus asks a question I should probably pay attention.

So I start looking at the man’s response. He doesn’t scream “YES”, actually he doesn’t even say “YES”, he just gives an excuse of why he hasn’t been able to get well yet. “See I can’t get down to the water after it’s stirred because I don’t have anyone to help me, you see.” (Imperfect translation). So then I wonder why he is not saying “yes” over and over. Why the excuse and not the answer.

And then my thoughts stray to life, life as I know it right now. There are areas that I am dealing with right now that I feel like Jesus is asking me, “Do you want to get well?” And instead of answering “Yes” I just give Him excuses as to why I can’t. And then there are also areas where I don’t give Him any excuses and I still don’t feel well. Things just haven’t changed, patterns, habits, guilt, excuses…they are all still there. And then I start to look around and think about the lives of some of the people I know and some of these people have been beaten down by the worst of the world and I wonder “How are they going to be well?” “How is Jesus going to work?” These are things I don’t have the answers to and honestly I probably won’t EVER! But I do have a hope and a faith that Jesus can see what’s going on and He does care! God desires for us to be well, to be whole or He would have never sent His one and only Son to die for our sins so we could have a way to Him (John 3:16). And God didn’t do this so we could feel condemned (John 3:17) or guilty but so we could be in a relationship and the thing that was so broken could be fixed!

So I keep finding myself having the thought of Jesus asking, “Do you want to be well?” when different things happen. And I have decided that instead of giving Him an excuse as to why I couldn’t be well, I am going to say “Yes”. Will you?

Just a sidenote: Remember that my name is Imperfect and there is a reason for that, I am NOT perfect. I am striving be a Spirit-sourced-Jesus-loving woman, but I mess up A LOT! And it seems like when God is trying to teach me something new, through scripture, it takes a SUPER long time for it to finally sink in and even then I mess up. So please don’t think I have this all down because honestly I DON’T!

Best Job

Post by: Outspoken

I have a confession to make and maybe even an apology. You see, ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of the day when I would meet my long haired, hippy husband(don't judge, everyone has different taste). I had it all planned out. We would wait until we were married for exactly 3 years and than settle down and start our family. This is when I would graciously give up my “outside of the home job” and stay at home with all of our 5 children. Side Note: Okay seriously, the thought of 5 children now gives me the urge to run as fast as I can into my wall. Hence, this is where my confession and apology comes in. Before I had ONE CHILD, yes one, I was so judgmental and literally thought that I was Nanny 911. I was so disgusted by the lack of discipline and involvement that so many parents had with their kids. I also thought since I was a Social Worker that I had the toughest job in the world and I could handle anything and any child. It's still mind boggling how I could manage 15 foster children and 12 foster parents, be on call 24/7 and still manage to have time for myself and my husband – but this ONE little 10 month old has me literally creeping through the house while she's sleeping, for FEAR that she may wake up to early from her nap.

Anyway, I say all this to note that staying at home or even just being an involved mom is such a tough job. I had so many expectations and every single one of those were completely recreated when my little one came along. I saw a commercial recently that literally brought me to tears. I liked the commercial because it reflects how tired, busy, worn down, giving, and simple each woman is. However, the most important thing to all of the kids was that their mom was there! 

Another video that I felt was worth sharing is the story of Olympian Gymnast Shawn Johnson. She explains how her mom was always there for her and loved her no matter who she did or did not become. 

 

I hope all you mothers out there feel encouraged and uplifted by the fact that you have the hardest job – being a parent. Hang in there! I tell myself that 100 times a day. Also, I apologize if you were one of the woman that I was casting my haughty eyes upon. Don't worry, God answered your prayers that I would be blessed with a wild child. :)

**Please note: I understand that not everyone has the desire to stay home nor are they able to stay at home and I believe that is their decision. I feel that God can still bless families that have two working parents and for the record, all you single moms/dads out there...you are my heroes. I do not know how you do it!

My son, keep your father’s command,
and don’t reject your mother’s teaching.
²¹ Always bind them to your heart;
tie them around your neck.
²² When you walk here and there, they will guide you;
when you lie down, they will watch over you;
when you wake up, they will talk to you.

Proverbs 6:20-22

The Psalms

Post by: Imperfect

I remember first discovering the Book of Psalm when I was in my first, of only 2, years of college. The language and honesty amazed me…this was something I could relate to!

Today I was reading Psalm 61 and 62 and God just smacked me in the face. Some people call these Ahh-Haa moments, I call them God smack moments (The reason…because that is usually how God has to get my attention!).  Anyway I was struck with the realization that these Psalms were written in the moments of life, right when they were happening.

Here my cry, O God; listen to  my prayer.
Psalm 61:1

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.
  Psalm 62:1

But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love;  for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.
Psalm 59:16

                                   You have rejected us, O God, and burst forth upon us;   You have been angry—now restore us.
  Psalm 60:1

             Deliver me from my enemies, O God;
protect me from those who rise up against me.
Psalm 59:1

 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD;
 for with the LORD is unfailing love
     and with him is full redemption.
Psalm 130:7

All of these Psalms deal with life in the moment. Desperation, contentment, joy, dejection, fear, hope…emotions that are part of life and part of each individual.

So my God smack moment came when I realized that the individuals that wrote these Psalms were crying out to God in the MIDST of life. Their lives were no different than ours in the sense of working hard and taking care of a home and family. Yes, I know most of us don’t live in tents and herd animals for a living, but we all try to make a living and we all live somewhere. The point is they cried out to God, sometimes with praise and sometimes with agony, in the MIDST of their problems and joys. They didn’t wait for life to be perfect or for that situation to clear up, they didn’t hide their emotions with a mask of perfection. NO! They said, "God this is how I feel and I am telling You about it".

God wants to hear from us…not just the all-put-together versions of us, but the REAL us, the imperfect us. The us that’s angry that life isn’t going how we wanted, the us that’s disappointed that the job we thought was surely God-ordained didn’t work out, the us that is so happy and full of joy our faces hurt from smiling. This is the us God wants to hear from!

Know Him Intimately

By Persistent

I am slowly learning that if I want to grow in my relationship with the Lord, that just as in any other relationship, I need to be intentional.  Being intentional means consciously choosing to act and one way to do that is setting goals for yourself.  Setting spiritual goals is not something I've ever done before and so I figured if I wanted to be successful I needed to start out slowly.  Really slowly--I started with two goals and quickly found that one would be better. 

Back in January I decided that my one major spiritual goal for this year was to read through the entire Bible...something I've attempted several other times and have never gotten past Leviticus (anyone else with me?)  This year I found a good reading schedule that I could check off each day (I'm a list maker--add things that I've already done to my list just so I can check it off--kind of list maker)  and it only requires me to read 3-4 chapters a day.  I have actually stuck with it and while there are days that I don't get to read, there are others that I am able to read a couple of days ahead.  So I'm proud to say that I am currently on schedule! 

Leviticus through Deuteronomy almost found me derailed, again.  But I stuck it out and am finding a lot of really interesting things in the Old Testament that I'm sure I've read before but within the context of the entire book/OT stand out a lot more.  With every chapter I check off I'm finding that I understand God less and less.  His ways definitely aren't my ways.  An example of what I'm talking about can be found in 2 Kings 10.  Jehu, who is the commander of the army and anointed to be king of Israel, goes on what seems to me to be a violent killing spree--having the 70 sons of Ahab beheaded and all other friends and family associated with Ahab killed also.  He has Ahab's wife Jezebel thrown out of the window and killed.  He tricks the prophets of Baal into gathering at their temple, has them surrounded and killed as well.  And then the God who tells the Hebrews in Exodus not to murder, commends Jehu for carrying out His judgment against Ahab and promises that Jehu's family will sit on the throne for four generations. 

Now don't get me wrong, in theory, I think I get it--all the evil had to be wiped out or like yeast it spreads and get bigger and bigger.  But what about this one...in 1 Kings 20:35 a prophet tells a bystander to strike and wound him.  After refusing, the prophet tells him that because he failed to obey God's command that a lion would attack and kill him and it does!  Seems a bit harsh to me, don't you think?  Makes me want to look over my shoulder; I've failed to obey God in a lot bigger ways than that. 

How do you, personally, reconcile instances in scripture like this where the fair and just God we think we know has even infants and children wiped out? 

I'm not sure I have yet but it has me hungering to read more and see what happens next.  I'm confident that I will succeed in completing my goal this year and can see myself reading through again next year, when I'd like to read it in chronological order.  I also would like to pick back up the second goal I dropped and memorize a couple of new scriptures each month.  I'm never going to better know and understand the character of God if I don't dig into and read His Word. 

Do you have any spiritual goals for this year?  This week?  I think ultimately my aspiration isn't just to know about Him, but to know Him intimately.