The Answer Should Be Obvious

By Persistent

I've been reading Mark & Grace Driscoll's book Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, & Life Together.  I've only read Part 1 Marriage so far and I'm struggling with it already.  It's a good book--I'm not saying that.  I guess where I'm struggling is with the conviction it brings.  My flesh just wants to throw the book out and forget I've even started it.  And then this morning I read "Imperfect's" post about Jesus' question, "Do you want to get well?"  Grrrr! 

My first conviction comes from the type of wife I am.  The scriptures about a quarrelsome wife...

Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop,
     Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. -Proverbs 21:9

A continual dripping on a very rainy day
     And a contentious woman are alike.  -Proverbs 27:15

That can be me.  Sometimes it's a wonder my husband is still living inside.  Ever had those days when you can't even stand to listen to yourself?  And you hear the Holy Spirit giving warnings?  But your fleshly side seems just too powerful and it actually feels good to give in to it?

Do I want to get well?

My second conviction comes from specifics in how I am "contentious".  I fail to follow Paul's admonition,

Let the wife see that she respects her husband. -Ephesians 5:33

I respect him in his profession, I respect him as a father but I often don't respect him as a husband and submit to his authority.  By submitting I mean deferring to his leadership of our family.  When I disagree with one of his decisions I often argue my side until he defers to me.

Do I want to get well?

My third conviction is in regards to  Taking Out the Trash, as Chapter 5 is entitled.  The Driscolls reference Dr. John Gottman who has studied many married couples over the years and has concluded there are 4 things that are sure to result in marital death if not taken care of.  They include criticism--more than a complaint, it is "attacking one's character"; contempt-"showing disgust for your spouse"; defensiveness- "the guilty person refuses to apologize or back down"; and stonewalling- failure to work towards oneness or ignoring the other person and/or problem.  I've been guilty of all 4 at one time or another and the big problem comes down to repentance.  They state that repentance includes confession, contrition and change.  Contrition is feeling the sorrow over your sin that God does.  When I think about it, I know I've sinned and I feel bad for hurting my spouse but do I really feel the sorrow over my sin that God does?  I am coming to the conclusion that, if I'm honest with myself and God, I don't really believe my sin is all that bad. 

Do I want to get well?

And finally, the biggest conviction is my pride.  I know I'm guilty of all of the above and I am even praying that God gives me the sorrow over my sin that he feels so that I can change.  But when it comes to confessing all of this to the one person I should be confessing it too--my husband, I haven't found it in me to do yet.  (Would it count if I just left this post up on the computer and let him happen to come across it?)  My pride won't let me humble myself before him.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  James 5:16

Do I want to get well?

Why is that such a hard question when the answer should be obvious?  Maybe because it requires something of me?  Maybe because I'm comfortable where I'm at?  Maybe because I would have to die to myself? Lord, help me!

Help me to answer with a Yes!  Not just grudgingly because it's what I should do as a Christian but resoundingly, Yes!  Yes, I want to get well!  Yes, I want to have a healthy marriage!  Yes, I want to be a model that I would be proud for my children to imitate!  Yes, Yes, a thousand times, Yes!